Food, Guilt, and the Holiday Table

Why It’s Not Really About the Calories

For many, the holidays are a time of warmth, tradition, and connection. They’re also a time when food plays a central role, festive dinners, spontaneous treats, and long meals shared with others. But alongside that joy, there can often be an undercurrent of guilt:

“I shouldn’t have eaten that,” 

“I’ll start over next week,” 

“I feel out of control.”

If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

What’s Really Happening Here?

Let’s begin by naming the experience: food guilt.

It often looks like enjoying something in the moment (a dessert, second helping, or rich holiday meal), but then mentally punishing yourself afterward.

It may also come with feelings of shame, fear of weight gain, or the pressure to “undo” the indulgence with restriction, over-exercise, or rigid planning.

While we often blame the food, the guilt usually isn't about what we ate, it's about what we believe eating says about us: a lack of control, not being “disciplined,” or failing to meet internalized ideals of “health” or “goodness.”

Why Does This Happen?

This pattern doesn’t appear out of nowhere. Holiday food guilt is often linked to:

• Diet culture messages that equate moral worth with eating habits: “good vs. bad” foods.

• Family dynamics where comments about food, weight, or appearance are normalized at the table.

• Perfectionism and the need to feel “in control,” even in times meant for celebration.

• Emotional regulation, where food becomes both comfort and a source of conflict.

Holidays can amplify all of this. The sudden break from routine, increased social pressure, and being around family can activate old stories or coping mechanisms that aren’t really about food at all.

Does This Sound Familiar?

• Do you mentally calculate what you’ve eaten after a holiday meal?

• Do you feel you need to compensate for “overdoing it” the next day?

• Do you experience anxiety or guilt around food choices in social situations?

• Do you dread being around family members who comment on your plate or body?

If so, you’re not alone. These patterns are incredibly common, especially for those raised in environments where food, appearance, or “being good” were closely tied to worth.

So, What Can We Do Instead?

Here are some tools that can help you gently shift your relationship with food and your body during the holidays:

🧠 1. Name the guilt — and question it.

Instead of accepting guilt as truth, get curious. Ask yourself: “What story am I telling myself about this food?” or “Is this about the meal, or something deeper?”

💬 2. Challenge all-or-nothing thinking.

Holiday meals don’t undo your well-being. Health isn’t built in a day, and it isn’t lost in a day either. Let go of the idea that you’re either “on track” or have “ruined everything.”

🧍‍♀️3. Set internal boundaries.

If your inner critic gets loud, imagine turning down its volume and turning up a more compassionate voice — one that acknowledges the moment, not the fear.

🤐 4. Prepare for unsolicited comments.

If you anticipate food or body commentary from others, rehearse responses ahead of time, or plan to step away. Protecting your emotional space is a form of self-respect.

🌱 5. Reconnect to joy and intention.

Holiday meals are about more than fuel. They’re about memory, pleasure, connection. Notice the textures, the conversations, the emotions. You’re allowed to enjoy.

How Sessions Can Help

In sessions, we can explore the deeper layers behind food guilt, the beliefs about control, worth, and safety that often live underneath. A psychologist can support you in unlearning internalized shame and building a gentler, more flexible relationship with food and your body.

We don’t focus on judging your habits. We focus on understanding where they come from, and what your relationship with food is trying to protect, express, or regulate.

Final Thought

You are allowed to eat.

You are allowed to enjoy.

You don’t need to earn rest, celebration, or nourishment, especially not during a time that’s meant to be filled with warmth and connection.

And if guilt shows up, that doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means there's still a story that needs healing, and that’s okay.

You are not alone in this.