Healing Doesn’t Mean Becoming Your ‘Old Self’ Again

On growth, change, and accepting who we’re becoming post-trauma.

"I just want to go back to how I was before." This is something I often hear from clients as they navigate the emotional aftermath of trauma or difficult life changes.

There’s a common belief that healing means returning to who you were before, before the pain, before the loss, before the struggle. But in reality, healing doesn’t mean going backwards. It means moving through your experiences, and ultimately, becoming someone new.

What Does Healing Really Look Like?

Healing is often thought of as the process of restoring yourself to a previous state. But in truth, healing is about growth. It’s about becoming the person who can move forward despite pain, loss, or hardship.

Rather than going back to who you were, healing helps you integrate your experiences into a new version of yourself,11hat is shaped by the past but not stuck in it.

Why Does Healing Feel Like Losing Ourselves?

After trauma or major life shifts, many people feel disoriented. They feel like they’ve lost touch with the person they used to be, as if they don’t recognize themselves anymore.

This is completely normal.

You may feel disconnected, uncertain, or like you're simply not the same person anymore. And that’s because you aren’t. Healing requires you to embrace change and change often feels uncomfortable, even when it leads to growth.

Have You Felt This Way?

• “I don’t feel like myself anymore.”

• “I can’t go back to who I was before, but I’m not sure who I am now.”

• “What if I don’t like who I’ve become?”

These thoughts are part of the process. And though it may feel unsettling, this is actually where growth happens when we start to redefine who we are, based on the experiences we’ve lived through.

How Can We Work With This?

Here are some tools that can help you along this journey of accepting and embracing change:

• Allow space for mourning: Acknowledge that you’ve lost something whether it’s your sense of self, a relationship, or a version of your life. Grief is part of the process of becoming.

• Shift your mindset: Instead of thinking of healing as “getting back to normal,” consider it an opportunity to rebuild your sense of self with intention. Who do you want to be now?

• Practice self-compassion: Recognize that growth takes time. Be kind to yourself when you feel lost or uncertain about the future.

• Focus on small wins: Celebrate the small steps you take towards healing whether that’s facing a fear, letting go of a past story, or simply being present in the moment.

• Create new rituals or routines: Reconnect with yourself through activities that nurture your soul whether that’s a hobby, mindfulness practice, or a new way of connecting with others.

How Sessions Help in This Process

Sessions can be an invaluable resource in this process of redefining yourself post - trauma.

Here’s how:

• It provides a safe space to process difficult emotions and understand what you’re going through.

• It helps you identify patterns of thinking that keep you stuck in the past or prevent you from embracing change.

• It offers validation that you don’t have to go back, you just have to move forward in your own time and in your own way.

• It empowers you to accept the new you, instead of feeling shame or resistance towards who you’ve become.

Healing isn’t linear, and it doesn’t look the same for everyone. But one thing is certain: it does involve growth. And in that growth, you may find that you become a stronger, wiser, and more compassionate version of yourself, one that is capable of thriving despite everything.