What If the Way You ‘Motivate’ Yourself Is Actually Hurting You?

Why being hard on yourself isn’t the same as being driven.

Harsh Self - Talk

You’ve probably heard it in your own mind before:

"You’re being lazy.""

You should be doing more."

"Why can’t you just get it together?"

Many of us have internalized a belief that the way to stay on track is to be hard on ourselves. That

harshness equals discipline, and that if we let up, we’ll lose momentum.

This is often called self - critical motivation and while it may have helped you push through deadlines or stress in the short term, it often comes at a cost.

Because here’s the truth: Criticism might spark urgency, but compassion builds sustainability.

Why Do We Do This?

Most people who use harsh self-talk learned it early on through school, family, or environments where worth was tied to achievement. If love or approval felt conditional, you might’ve started thinking: If I don’t push myself, I won’t be enough. 

Over time, that voice becomes internalized and automatic. And for a while, it can “work.” But eventually, it leads to emotional fatigue, anxiety, burnout, and a deep disconnection from your own needs. Your nervous system begins to associate tasks with pressure, shame, or fear, not inspiration.

Have You Felt This Way?

• Do you feel like you can’t rest until everything is done, but “everything” is never done?

• Does motivation often come from guilt or fear, rather than genuine energy?

• When you succeed, do you still feel it’s not good enough?

You’re not alone. Many high-achieving, thoughtful people are running on self - criticism and wondering why they feel so drained or stuck.

What Can You Do Instead?

• Notice the voice: Just identifying harsh inner dialogue is a powerful first step. Whose voice does it sound like?

• Try softer language: Shift from “I have to” to “I get to” or “I want to.” This reclaims agency.

• Validate your efforts: You’re likely doing more than you give yourself credit for.

• Explore compassionate motivation: What if your goals came from a place of care instead of criticism?

• Ask what the critic is afraid of: Often, it’s trying to protect you from failure, rejection, or shame.

How Can Sessions Help?

In the sessions, we gently explore where these harsh inner voices come from, how they’ve shaped your self-worth, and what it means to build a new relationship with yourself. We work on replacing self-judgment with curiosity, and discipline with compassion so that you can move forward not from fear, but from trust and inner safety. You don’t have to be mean to yourself to get things done. You can be kind and still reach your goals.